Conflicted

First, I love the above quote.  In so many areas of our lives, we feel conflicted about where we stand. Sometimes it's rational vs. irrational.  Other times it's mind vs. body.  Other times it's heart vs. soul.  

Today, it was Work vs. Home for me.  My poor little one, 7 years old with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), was spinning with determination and passion in the living room when she lost her footing and landed FACE FIRST into the entertainment center.  She managed to bite clean through her bottom lip.  

When kids fall or scream or cry... as parents, we can typically tell how serious it 'really' is based on the sights and sounds immediately surrounding the incident.  I saw her spinning, I heard the thud... I heard the familiar moments of silence that come just before the wail that indicates a serious injury.  I scooped her up and hugged her tight as the blood flowed out of her lip.

We are invincible when our children are hurt.  SO MUCH ADRENALINE!  I was a rock.  I cleaned her up, put a bandage on it, called the school, called the doctor, called my mother, called in late to work, and played Dr. Mom.

Then, after checking her out and realizing that she was OK, I drove her to school, drove to work, and then... sitting at my desk... loading my computer for the day.... I fell apart.  Crumbled.  Cried.  Ached.  Hurt.  

Enter the conflicted heart -- See... I was getting to the point...  ;)

I wanted to go get her from school and just cuddle and spoil her all day.  At the same time, I knew she was OK.  She needed to be at school.  She was well enough to handle being at school.  I needed to be at work.  CONFLICTED.

How many parts of our lives leave us conflicted?  What does that conflicted feeling do to us mentally and physically?  My heart aches as I think of my injured child off at school doing her own thing without me watching over her, protecting her.  My heart soars knowing that she's OK, she can handle it, and my being with her isn't going to make a difference in her healing process.  GAH!

Other conflicts are harder.  This one is just the mom instinct fighting logic.  What about the Mind vs. Body conflict when your head knows that you should have a salad for health reasons but you REALLY want pizza?  Or when your brain tells you to press on but your body is exhausted.  You try so hard to push yourself but at what cost?

Some conflicts are emotional.  The push/pull of an internal fight when you make a list of pros and cons can not only cause you worry or fear, but it can also make you physically sick!  Heart vs. Soul - when your heart wants something that your soul doesn't need or your soul needs something your heart doesn't want.  

What do we do when conflicted?  How can we ease our confusion?  How can we ease our souls?  How can we start feeling normal again?

I usually find a favorite song to mellow out to.  Here are a few of my favorite songs about conflict.  I hope they help you, should you ever find yourself conflicted!  I think the basic answer is that it's OK to not know what to do.  It's all a part of life, but sometimes you just need to let go and go with it.  You're going to get through it. 

**Love you, little Ava.  You'll get better in no time, I promise!**