Monday, March 7, 2016

I'm a Monster


We all try to put our best foot forward.  We try to paint ourselves as good and decent human beings.  We are kind, caring, optimistic, full of faith, compassion, etc.  But you know what?  We aren't good all the time.  NO ONE IS.  I'm sure even Mother Theresa had her fair share of bad days.

I had a great weekend that ended with an ugly moment.  Essentially, I let things that shouldn't bother me bring me down and I turned into a monster.  As I indicated in my last post, my balance is off and I'm frustrated with myself more than anything else.

We all have bad days, don't we?  We all go through these hard moments.   I've had so much on my mind lately that I allowed a selfish moment to dictate my actions and it wasn't pretty.

I'm sorry for the monster I became.  I'm thankful for the forgiveness I've received.  I'm far from being healed of the pains that created the monster in me.  I don't wish to publicly discuss the demons in my life, so don't expect a deep explanation.  I suppose that I simply feel misunderstood because I'm a more complicated person than I appear to be on the outside.  As I said, even good people have bad days.  I need an escape.  I need release.  I want to take a few days off from my life -- work, family, friends -- and just go somewhere alone to work it all out... to release the monster.

Can you relate?

I love this song by Skillet -- it captures exactly how I feel right now.  There is some dark secret side of me that is lurking and trying to destroy who I am.  I need to fight this monster inside of me.




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