Their stories are their own, and not mine to tell, but these friends are going through situations including domestic violence, the loss of a parent, failing marriages, and financial distress. None of these issues are EASY. For some of them, I have no words. For some, I have a LOT of words. For all of them, I have open ears and an open heart, ready to hear them. For all of them, I have open arms to hold them through the pain.
All of this has got me thinking about coping mechanisms. I've never lost a parent, but I have lost a close friend to a car accident, grandparents, aunts and uncles... I have experienced loss. I coped by remembering the good times we shared, things that we did together, lessons we learned together, and music we listened to together... always music.
For financial distress -- I'm an optimist there. I have a tendency to say that there are people out there who have it WAY worse than me. When I think of children who have no idea when their next meal will come or if they will have clean water to drink, it makes having my cable or phone disconnected for a week or two seem a bit... trivial. My financial troubles look like ideal living conditions for some. I have a roof over head, clothes on my back, and enough to feed my family. I'm in good shape.
Failing marriage -- yeah. Unfortunately, I've been there, too. This one is particularly difficult. No two marriages are the same, but I think that the pain of things falling apart is painful for all parties involved. When I left my first husband, the pain was intense. He was relieved to be regaining his freedom, but still felt pain. He has a soul, I suppose, but it was hard to see it that when when he hurt me so badly. I should have left MUCH sooner than I did, but I held on as long as I could in hopes that things would get better. They didn't. I coped with this loss by surrounding myself with friends. They helped me to keep my mind off of things and reminded me that dating too soon after the end of a marriage would not be a good idea. They helped me when I had really bad days. They picked me up off the floor. They dusted me off. They showed me that there is life after divorce. They gave me hope. When I was ready to date again... they cheered me on when I was scared. Friends are awesome. I literally went out to the coffee shop with them every single night for nearly a year. My sanity was restored. I also spent a lot of time writing in a journal about how I was feeling. It helped a lot.
Finally... Domestic Violence. Ladies and Gents... NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT YOU! No one. NO ONE. I have seen this friend through highs and lows. I've heard every single excuse she makes for him. And, friend.... I've been there, too. I've experienced broken bones, bloody noses, black eyes, bruises, sprains, and emotional abuse. My friends thought I was bipolar because my moods and attitudes would swing so dramatically.
Sadly, I was abused by more than one guy. I know how a victim thinks. The abuser makes you believe that no one else will want you. You are damaged. You are worthless. He's trying to help you. He's trying to make you a better person. You deserve to be hit. You are a bad person. You have no where to go. You will never find someone as good as him. You don't know how good you have it. On and on and on and on..... ALL LIES.
My first real boyfriend was sweet. He was good to me, treated me well. We had fun together, but in the end, we wanted different things. (He wanted this young blonde, and I wanted to go off to college! HA HA!) After him, though, I had a long string of bad relationships. Physically abusive, emotionally abusive, cheating, lying men came into my life. One man came into my life when I was at an emotional low and managed to brainwash me a bit by using charm and kindness when I was so used to pain and sadness. I even married an abusive man, only to leave (see paragraph on failed marriages).
Coping with domestic violence: Honestly, I was a punching bag. Not all of my boyfriends were jerks, but the bad certainly outweighed the good. I gained weight. I ate away the pain and now, I'm a hundred pounds overweight. Not the best coping mechanism.
Honestly, though, in all things, music has been my best coping mechanism. When I truly want to just escape or reflect, I'll pop on the headphones, turn up the tunes, and play songs that either make me feel good or remind me that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I need that reminder that somewhere... somehow... I'll get through it all.
Over the past few years, there have been a few songs that have helped me more than anything. I'd like to share them with you now and maybe one of them will help you find the light. For any of my readers who are hurting... I understand. I feel your pain. I'd love to hear from you. I'll pray for you without ceasing.
Remember, when things are out of YOUR control, give the control to someone else.
I wish you peace in your journey.
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