It's almost like this blog is becoming a diary of sorts. I used to have a journal that I wrote EVERYTHING in. I stopped because I found that most of what I wrote was when I was unhappy. I don't want a document of my life that shows only the ugly moments.
Now, I buy smaller journals to use when I'm having difficulties. When the difficulties are resolved, I can burn the journal and it symbolizes that the painful experience has ended.
Some, however, I have kept. The content means a lot to me. I have the journal from my trip to Europe when I was 17, from my college years, and even the chronicle of the rise and fall of my first marriage.
Each journal has a similar trait. SONG LYRICS. Everywhere. The inside covers, certain pages, it's simply filled with lyrics. Some are actually quotes from movies or literature. Every single quote means something very deep and special to me for some reason.
The song I have quoted the most... and has taken up the most space on pages of my journals, is Worlds Apart by Jars of Clay. I turn to this song when I'm lost or confused.... when I'm trying to find the direction to move in... when I'm struggling to do the right thing... or even when I just need to relax.
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
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