Here I am, blogging at 2:22 AM. I'm sitting on my bed listening to all of my favorite sappy 80's and 90's love songs...
I need you now (more than words can say) -- Alias
When I'm with you - Sherriff
Love of a lifetime - Firehouse
Hard to say I'm sorry -- Chicago
Inspiration - Chicago
Nothin's gonna change my love for you - Paul Mederios
Where are you now -- Jimmy Harnen
The search is over -- Survivor
The list goes on....
I can't sleep tonight. I don't expect this to be a funny post.... so if that's what you're looking for, you may want to skip over it. It's also not exactly about weight loss, unless you count the fact that I could really use a nice little pint of Ben and Jerry's or some Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche....
Every night before I go to sleep, I speak to my husband to say goodnight... he works nights. He's pretty stressed out right now. I'm not going to get into why.... but it makes me sad and nothing I can say or do will make it better. I feel helpless sometimes. I wish I could have more of an impact on his moods.
Honestly.... I'm listening to these songs because they remind me of a time and a place... and it probably isn't what you think.,,
Back in the 80's, when these songs were not only the most popular, but also when I was hitting those very important puberty years when I was trying to find myself, I had countless mix tapes that I had recorded from the radio.... these songs.
In the spring, summer, and fall, I would go out onto our deck towards sunset, plug in my little pink boom box, pop in a tape, and turn up the music. I would spin, twirl, lie on my back and stare at the sky, and sing along with all the heart and passion that I could muster up. It was my time. I lived in the country... enough space between houses to keep the neighbors from hearing my serenade and quiet enough that I could stare at the stars for hours without being interrupted by a soul, except perhaps a nosey sister....
These songs were my romantic education. I would dream of who I would end up with someday... who would be that one man who swept me off my feet... who told me that they had maybe been my friend for what seemed like a hundred years only to realize that he truly loved me all along and that I was the woman of his dreams. (You were with me all the while....)
I wanted to be the meaning in someone's life... someone's inspiration... I wanted to be the girl who got away only to become the pain and suffering of the man who let me go and shouldn't have.... I wanted to be the one who had a man holding her hand on the beach at sunset, staring at the waves and professing that NOTHING was every gonna change his love for me.
My dearest husband tried.... he wanted that sunset beach moment to propose to me... but then clumsy me broke my leg and had it in a cast that week. So he proposed on the balcony of our condo, overlooking the ocean, at sunset... it was just as romantic as I had ever dreamed.... except of course for the gigantic purple cast on my leg. *sigh*
Life was so much simpler then... when I was 13, 14, 15.... When I was singing my heart out on the deck... when I was imagining my future. I was going to be a singer, naturally... life was a giant daydream...
There were no bills to be paid, no kids to discipline, no work that MUST be done at risk of losing your only source of income.... and I never was ashamed or embarrassed to open my mouth and sing to my heart's content.
I leave you with this, tonight (holy smokes it's almost 3:00):
STARE AT THE STARS
LISTEN TO THE OCEAN
but most of all.....
Love deeply, carelessly, without abandon. Follow where your heart leads.
There are as many forms of love as there are Shakespeare sonnets.... I challenge you to find and cherish them all.